Protective behaviours during the holiday season

As we know, the funny memes come out at this time of year, many of which are like the one I have shared here. The difference is, I do not find this remotely funny at all. This child is clearly distressed, listening to his gut and body. The distress here is NOT worth the Christmas photo and nor is it teaching the child to act according to the boundaries you may have already taught your child about stranger danger! How confusing would that be to the child?

As we know, the holiday season becomes much busier than at other times of the year. Whilst as parent and carers, you may already have protective behaviours and boundaries in place for your children, there are added pressures, distractions, more folks around, unfamiliar folks to your children, travel, more access to screen time, and the list goes on! With much of the busy-ness comes increased opportunities for your child to be exposed to abuse. During these times, it’s more important than ever to remember protecting kids is the priority. Here are some reminders for protective behaviour and keeping children safe during the holiday season.

Body Parts

As part of protective behaviours work, we can teach children the correct names of genitalia. In my work with children who have been sexually harmed, I have come across many different words for genitalia, some of which I had never heard used before. Whilst this may provide less discomfort for parents and carers, correct terminology needs to be used. As awful as it sounds, sexual assault/abuse legal cases many do not stand up in a court of law if a specific body part cannot be identified correctly. Use words such as vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, anus, and breasts, and teach your child the function of these body parts. It is also important for children to know what are considered private body parts.

Body Ownership

Reinforce to children and young people that their body belongs to them. They should not be forced to give people affection even if it is a family member or friend, and whenever possible (and safe) – should be able to make decisions about their own bodies. It is okay to say “NO” when they feel uncomfortable about an activity (like tickling) or a type of touch. Saying “No” is a time where it can be explained to a child, that they don’t have to se their manners. We are taught to have good manners and not shout or say anything rude or disrespectful. However, if a child is uncomfortable or is being asked to do something or is being touched without their consent, then they can shout as loudly as they can. Make it known whilst other family members or friends are around, that your child has to the right to decide based on their own comfort level or feelings of safety.

Online Dangers

During the school holidays, children may have more access to digital devices which therefore, increases the risk of harm.

·       Does your child share anything online?

·       Do they have location settings turned off?

·       What online games are they playing?

·       Are they playing online games and if so, who are they playing with? (It’s a bit like the AIDs message whereby you might have a sexual partner, but do you know who they have had sex with and so on). Whilst you might know who they are playing with, does their friend have privacy settings turned on?

·       Do they have a camera on their device?

·       Do they have internet on their device, and if so, what internet protection do you have? Can you check the internet history?

·       Are they taking selfies? Who are they sharing these selfies with?

·       Do they know not to post sensitive information such as their school, photo in school uniform, location, local shopping centre or park, etc.?

There are many good resources available regarding online safety and device safety.

Safe Adults

Children need to be taught the difference between a safe adult and a trusted adult. As we know from the statistics into childhood sexual abuse, there are many ‘trusted’ adults who have harmed children. Have the child draw an outline of their hand and ask them to think of safe adults that live in the home and some safe adults who live outside their home. Teach your child what the role of a safe adult is such as someone who notices when they are feeling uncomfortable, someone who listens to them and believes them, and will help them straight away. They also need to be taught that if their safe adult cannot help them for any reason, that they seek out their other safe adults.

Whilst these tips are not extensive, my hope is that this article provides a reminder to be mindful as the holiday season approaches.

For more information regarding protective behaviours work, please contact me via:

claremacleodconsultancy@gmail.com

0483 822 615.